June 18, 2010

When Orkut came to Facebook

It's been quite some time since Indians ditched Orkut for Facebook. Unfortunately along with the people we would like to keep in contact with, came the trash that infested Orkut - the very reason we all left. The following is a good example. 

I was talking to a friend the other day who complained of a rather annoying conversation she was having on Facebook chat. I found it just mind blowingly awesome. 

Dylan: so wat u doin?

SinYORita~pearl': chatting
 with that freaking STALKER. CHECK THIS OUT
hieeee ;);)


so hwzzzz lyf..

thnkzzz for givin ur auspzzz time



i almost feel like calling u uncle



coz by the looks of ur profile image it appears to me ur  tons older than me.


i actually expected a young immature guy

ohhhh plzzzz...

m abt 2 b 21

u look 31 to me

ohhhh thankzzz
actualy i lik such wondrful comntzzz u know
wht imagnatnzz!!!!!i lik it...


ohhh yaaaa...really ;);)
was eagrly waitin waitin for such comntzzz
finalllllyy got it
so u r of 9 yrzzz i guess as per ur maturity......

i gues so..

jokes apart let me tell u clearly
i likd u so was keen talkin 2 u...
n i know u r speakin all crapzz so tht i wont talk 2 u furthr....
dnt go for thozzz filmy type trickzz
well thanks for all the trouble
but i didnt like u.
i dont even know u

ohhhh ma pleasr...
no probzzz....but i did...
no probzzz....but i did...
no probzzz....but i did...
n u know me...
ths time on ma vacatnzzz will surely try 2 meet u

err... we will see about that
ohhhhh plzzzz no filmy dialogzzz plzzzzzz
are u a crack head..
madm crack head r visualisd only by thozz who similar .....
so u r tryin 2 tell me tht u r crack head??
these are very lame and kiddish way to temp some one.
these dont work on me
ohhhh plzzzz yaaar

r u a heep typezzz creature!!!!
tryin 2 over cast urself
tryin 2 over cast urself
cut the crap

okey naaa

what kind of a word is that?

Dylan: wait wait i'm reading this awesomeness
!! is that it? is there more? this is AMAZING
SinYORita~pearl': yea theres more

thzzz atitude
u r persuin english hnrzzz n askin me!!!
do n search dictrnry or 9th clas litretr buk
n itzzz nt a english test goin over here
n itzzz nt a english test goin over here
so plz dnt show ur stupidity plzzzzzz

just cheked out
none such word exists.

ohhh no......
i guesss u guyzzz dnt get admitd merit basis....
fraud cases....
oh right.

go through a b c d n thn go for ur course studiezzz
show me a link to a dictionary page that ACTually has a meanng to this word
please be kind to enlghten
show me a link to a dictionary page that ACTually has a meanng to this word

actualy i dnt hav a dictnry cozz m persuin b.com frm university of delhi....n tht aslo frm hansraj colg wich is nt a cup of tea for fraud people lik u....

 yea i get it
u actually make me laugh

ohhhh madm plzzz cum out with thozzz bong people atitude
were r u chating from?
which erv u r using.. it allowes u to surf the web?
how lame can u be t say u dont have a dictionary wen u have the access to the bloody internet
naaa .....itzzz the cantn of ma colg....
Mehavnt u ever heard of an online dictionary
have u heard of dictionary.com 
u use the canteen or watever to get online..
u use canteen to chat to peple and nt a comuter?
ma frndzzz r getin mad here
thats truely some kickass technology u got there dude.. it beats wi fi

Kumarone of thm r holdin the monitor n othr 1 is holdin the c.pu
ohhhh dnt ask bloody faclty in our colg....
dude u r in a totally different league here. u have any idea how dumb u sound?
nt at alll
  the last line was a killer!
i mean seriusly
  how retarded
  plzz let me know how dumb m!!!!!
  ohhhh me bong dialogues

u peophin new

n wht is comuter???
god.. didnt anyone EVER teach u spellings in kinder garden? forget grammar.. that must be really tough for u.

itzzz computer.....got it naa
ohhhh dil ki baat bol dii yaar
THAT wa typo
(my bad.. it seems ur cooked up English has got into me as well)

*<--- this is the spl character we use to corect typos.

get it.?
btw.. can u type without the letter 'z'? 

u r rite i hav never been 2 kindr gardn
u r rite i hav never been 2 kindr gardn
yaaar wht a shit r u!!!!

ohhhh yesss i got it
u did.?

thnkzzz for letin me know
what did u get?
what did i tell u?

itzzz hindi....kyun bhai i guesss urzz itzz english!!!!!!hahahahahahahaha
angrez chale gaye par teri jaisi bala ko yehi chod gaye!!!!!
angrez chale gaye par teri jaisi bala ko yehi chod gaye!!!!!
so basically say that ur aunt(ur mothers sister) is from bardhaman and ur mom is non bengali?
hey i got a question for u.
whats ur favourite character from Dora the exploerer?
make up ur mind.. which do u think is more disastrous.. me being bong... or me knowing english.. i guess either way its hard for u to keep up.
hey i got a question for u.

Kumar yupppp u r ryt.... still qustn n answr seasn cntinuzzz!!!!!!!! 
Meso u didnt answer my q.. whats ur favorite character from Dora the explorer.? coz u dont seem to talk sensible in a two way conversation.. u are fit to be interogated. look at the brighter side.. u r being interviewd. only spl people are interviewed. people who r extraordinarily extraordinary
plzzzzz fuck offff
jst fuck offffffffffffff
'fuck off' is the last resort for a retard like u.. one who cant prolong in a sensible conversation and has no other means to sound learned utters those two words.. coz they r easy to spell and no grammar needed. perfect for u.

You deserve a medal if you understood that completely. Have a good day.

EDIT: Apparently the official word for these people is 'Orkuttiya'. 

March 10, 2010

My Review: Assassin's Creed II

Note: The following post is about a video game. The uninterested should run away. Now.
Also, it's a long long post. Read at your own risk.
*Assassin's Creed 1 spoilers follow*
First, a little bit of back-story - technical and other story aspects of the first game:

Assassin's Creed, developed by Ubisoft Montreal - the same studio that gave you the Prince Of Persia games, the Far Cry games, the Splinter Cell games and the Rainbow Six games (an impressive repertoire isn't it?) - was easily of one the most anticipated games on the 3rd Generation consoles. The game was released in 2007 - when people were still looking for how far the XBox 360 and PS3 could be stretched in terms of frame rates and graphical capabilities - we marvelled at the previews of Assassin's Creed.

A real living breathing city? No way! You can climb ANYTHING? No freakin' way!! A complete city with NO draw distance? Outta this world!

When the game finally did roll out in November 07, the reaction was bitter-sweet. People loved the graphics, the scope of the game, the premise, the plot - but the gameplay structure was criticised - people couldn't get over the sheer repetitive-ness of the actions you have to do.

The game also tricked everyone into thinking it would be the story of Altair, an Assassin, in the Holy Land in 1191, during the time of The Third Crusade who takes part in a battle against the Knights Templar. But it wasn't to be - the game is actually set in 2012, where a man named Desmond Miles, is kidnapped by a shady organisation named Abstergo. They possess this machine called the Animus, that helps them read into the memories of an ancestor. So they strap Desmond to this machine and tell him he's about to watch the memories of his ancestor, Altair Ibn La-Ahad, play out.

Now I don't want to go too much into detail of AC1. This is a AC2 review, after all.

Now, Ubisoft had their work cut-out for them: The ending of AC1 made sure that a sequel was sure to be on it's way. Fortunately for gamers, games are possibly the only art medium where sequels are routinely better than the originals:

Assassin's Creed II

Story & Characters:

Another criticism hurled at Ubisoft was the poor depiction of Altair. He spoke in a monotonous voice and had an oddly American accent while everyone else spoke in a proper Middle-Eastern accent.

Ezio Auditore da Firenze (an intimidating name at first - but you get used to it. The name is Ezio Auditore. 'da Firenze' means 'Of Florence' - his birthplace) is the protagonist of Assassin's Creed 2. This time, Desmond has to view the memories of Ezio, an Italian ancestor from the 15th Century - during the time of the historic Renaissance.

Desmond is freed from his capture in Abstergo by one their employee's: an undercover Assassin named Lucy Stillman, voiced by Kristen Bell (I forgot to mention, Desmond is also a modern day Assassin) - after weeks of planning, she breaks him out of the building, fights a dozen thugs, drops about 3 F-bombs and shoves Desmond in the trunk of her car. He's taken to an an old warehouse, where, with the help of two more allies - Rebecca Crane and Shaun Hastings (played by British comedian Danny Wallace - who wrote the book Yes Man based on his real life experiences)

To avoid the faceless wooden shadow of a character that was Altair, we're given a more personal approach to Ezio - the game starts off with his birth, acting as a tutorial for the face buttons. Needless to say, we're introduced to his mother, Maria - engaged in the difficult job giving birth - and his father, Giovanni (also an Assassin) arriving a tad bit late to witness the birth of his second son.

Fast forward 17 years. Ezio is living the life - rich Italian carefree guy knee deep in pussy. The scene opens fantastically, in a homage to Gangs Of New York where Ezio and his gang are facing off against a childhood rival, Vieri de' Pazzi. Enter Ezio's elder brother, Federico - a likeable character I wish we could've had more of. Now, Ezio's dad, unfortunately hasn't seen worse times - now it's Giovanni's turn to get knee deep - in shit - when he, being the Assassin that he is - learns of a conspiracy to overthrow Lorenzo de Medici. Needless to say, the conspirators don't just let this pass.

When Ezio comes back from an errand, he learns that his father and two brothers (the youngest being Petrucio - a character I'm glad we didn't have more of) have been apprehended by the guards and are being held in a tower. Ezio, using his parkour skills, reaches the tower - and is told by his dad to search for something important in a chest in the house - a letter to Uberto Alberti, Lorenzo's assistant. Ezio does as he is told. He also finds Assassin's robes in the chest, and in a moment of superhero-splender puts on the robes - to look all awesome and all.

Well turns out Uberto is the betrayer. Thus, Ezio's father and two brothers are hanged right before his eyes.

The rest is a tale of how Ezio gets revenge on the conspirators - he kills Uberto, then meets his uncle Mario - who tells him of the Assassin's Creed and how his father was part of it. Ezio then goes from person to person, extracting information and delving further into the conspiracy - realizing Lorenzo's planned assassination was just a small part of it.

This is where my gripes start - the story starts off well and ends excellently - the middle is where it gets hazy. It almost feels like the story is there just as an excuse to assassinate people. It boils down to -
*go to kill guy*
*spot said guy with another guy - or original guy references second guy while talking*
*search and go to kill second guy*
*spot second guy with third guy - or second guy references third guy while talking*

Rinse. Repeat.

This happens through most of the story. Another gripe is that some assassinations don't feel of much value - unlike AC1, not much information is extracted from the people you've killed. It's like it's there just for the heck of it.

Ezio's events in AC2 are set over a period of 23 years - yes, you start off with a 17 year old punk and end up with a 40 year old bearded guy. The bad thing is, it doesn't feel that way. Except for maybe, Ezio's beard and his deepened voice - there are no other signs of ageing. Not only for Ezio - the other characters remain exactly the same for 22 years. And it's not just about physical appearance either - except for Ezio - none of the characters personalities, or their relationship with Ezio actually develop in those 23 years. If you don't pay attention to the year showed before every memory sequence - it would just feel like the game takes place over a couple of months.

However, if I had to rate the story - I'd give it a 7.5 on 10 - mostly because of the strong opening 1 hr as well as the ending 30 mins or so. The game explore's Ezio origin very well - the deception he faced and the trauma he had to go through.

I've always loved Ubisoft how intertwined the story of Assassin's Creed 1 with real life events - most of the 'targets' that you eliminate in that game are based on real life figures - most of whom died mysterious deaths. The Assassin's were a real sect and so were The Knights Templar. Altair's mentor, Al Mualim is based off a real person.

Unisoft does the same thing with AC2 - to an even greater extent. Lorenzo de Medici was a real person - and so were the Pazzi's as well as the whole 'overthrow Lorenzo' plot - known as the Pazzi Conspiracy. In fact - I'd say most of the people you kill are based on real people. The main antagonist of this game is Rodrigo Borgia aka Pope Alexander VI (read up on how he died - the game has an explanation fr that as well)

And how could I forget the biggest name of all - Leonardo da Vinci. The one we meet here is a young Leonardo - cheery and as helpful as ever. Leonardo is Ezio's best friend and closest ally - da Vinci helps him with his 'gadgets' - hidden blades, hidden guns, flying machines and whatnot.

Yes, I said flying machines.

Ezio with Leonardo

More notable figures include Niccolò Machiavelli and Caterina Sforza. Both allies who help you on your way.

Graphics & Presentation

Oh yeah - now that we have cribbing out of the way - lets talk about the good stuff!

Italy is one of the best things about this game - the sheer detail into every little thing is marvellous. There were parts of AC1 I didn't like - the cities all looked the same except for a different tinge of colour to them. In AC2, it is NOTHING like that.

The locations featured in the game are Florence (Firenze), Venice (Venezia), Forli, the Apennine Mountains, Tuscany and the little bit of The Vatican City - The Sistine Chapel, in particular. Most of the landmarks you would see in the real cities are in the game - so detailed that you'd be hard pressed to find any differences between the two. Running the rooftops of Venice is as satisfying as walking through the streets.

The beggar women of Jerusalem are gone - to be replaced by bards that sing in your face. The streets are full of men hard at work - building, carrying boxes and wood, or just strolling the streets. The women are a sight to look at as well. Citizens travel in groups, mostly. You can infiltrate these groups and walk among them - thereby blending in - to avoid the sights of archers and guards. You'll find shopkeepers sweeping the streets in front of their shop.

At regular intervals you'll find heralds, the media of that day and age. The shout out news and announcements to whoever can hear them - You can bribe them to stop talking about your deeds.

Ezio can swim, unlike his Middle-Eastern counterpart - and, for what might seem an odd compliment - the water looks marvellous. I've never seen water rendered so beautifully in a video game. The land scape is fantastic as well.

However a game of this magnitude can't be without its problems - I did encounter screen tearing and graphical glitches at some stages - especially in the tombs (linear Prince of Persia-like segments). But that's a small price to pay for such an amazing looking game.

Sound is something I have to touch upon. The characters sound excellent - everyone, without a single exception. I especially like the idea of interjecting English with a little Italian - it sounds lovely. I would've preferred it if the background music was more prominent though. Only at times is it really noticeable - but during those times it's beyond excellent.

Graphics: 9/10


And so we boil down to the most important part of any video game - the gameplay, something AC1 suffered from.

I'll start with what AC is famous for - platforming. Ezio runs and climbs as excellently as Altair did. I did have a couple of problems with the controls though: Ezio jumping in a direction I didn't want him to jump.

AC1 was criticized for having easy combat - Well, AC2 is even easier, and you have more tools at your disposal - Poison, smoke bombs, throwing knives, swords, daggers and even a small gun.

Ubisoft have added as much variety as they could have - we now have a variety of side missions to attempt - Assassinations, races, courier missions and beat em ups! And sometimes, just to spice things up - Ezio can get pick-pocketed. If that happens, the thief has to chased across the rooftops - which provides for some pretty fun distractions.

Ezio has 3 factions helping him this time around - Thieves, mercenaries and courtesans. They don't really come in much use but its nice to have them as an option.

The biggest change, perhaps is the way the story is structured - it's much more linear this time around, much like GTA. Most of the investigations from the previous game have been thrown out.

Eagle Vision is something that comes in much greater use here - Often, you have to search for your target using Eagle Vision. It changes the screen to darker colours and your target glows yellow.

Your synchronisation bar is no longer a synchronisation bar - it's a normal health bar this time. Road side doctors can be used. They heal you for 50 florins, the in game currency. There's a whole economic system at work here. You can gain money through assassinations or other missions. You can also search treasure chests which are spread all over Italy - or if you're looking for quick money, you can always pickpocket civilians. This money can be spent, not only on doctors, but also on weapons and upgrades.

Ezio takes shelter at his Uncle's villa - which he agree's to help renovate. You pay the architect to renovate the area - this brings more tourists there, which increases the money being spent by them. This money can be collected and spent later. The problem with this system is that by the end of the game you end up with a shitload of money and nothing to spend it on. You can also buy paintings for your villa to spruce it up. The more money spent, the more you get in return.

You can also dye your clothes with various pre-set colour schemes.. this serves no real purpose other than to make your clothes look pretty.

All in all, there's tons of stuff to do here.. which will keep you occupied for a long long time. I haven't even mentioned the collectibles. 100 feathers are spread all over the locations for you to collect. You get two rewards as you progress towards the 100 mark. The Glyph's are another collectible feature. Apparently, the last person who used the Animus to come to Italy left a few puzzles which, when unravelled reveal a bigger, larger plot.

So, except for combat, gameplay has undergone a huge improvement: 9/10

Closing Comments:

AC2 is a wonderful improvement over the previous game, with only a few flaws that keep it from being a truly perfect game. I was struggling to decide between this one and Batman:AA for my personal Game Of The Year - it was pretty much a stale mate at the time that I finished both the games.. but's AC has something Batman didn't have - repeat value. I tried to play Batman for a second time, but couldn't - it was too boring. However, AC2 just makes me keep coming back - sometimes to replay a few missions or to just roam the streets of Italy.

Overall: 9.5/10

Specs: I played AC2 on the XBox 360, without any kind of extra content since I don't have Xbox Live. The first playthrough took 24hrs to complete, and 27hrs along with feathers and glyphs. Second playthrough consisted of only the story missions and viewpoints, which was 11hrs, 30mins.

PS: Sorry if the latter half of this post has a more mechanical writing style than the initial part - I got tired writing :(

March 09, 2010


Have you ever looked at your own old posts or any kind of writings and realised how stupid you were?

First off, my apologies for not writing since September. I don't want to disclose any reasons, expect for maybe lethargy - but there were other factors at work as well. So after my Semester 1 exams, a bout of very severe Chicken Pox, watching a ton of movie's, repeated plodding from my friend, and a very bad pun that I found terribly difficult to resist ( I was going to post a picture of someone's back) - I've decided to try blogging again.

I also want to make a few things clear. If you've been following my blog for long enough (yeah, right) you've surely read my post on The Wandering Weasel.

And if you've not, please do. It's not very long, because the following is going to be about that post.

Now, I'd like to make it clear that, the post was complete bullshit. I told myself to come up with a stupid title (because I wanted to change the name of my blog - and I couldn't come up with a better one - so I went the other way - why not think of a stupider one!). I then convinced myself to come up with the most atrocious justification for it. And that's what I came up with. (Pretty good stuff, right? Well, if the Indian Education Board has taught me anything these 14 years of studying - it's how to bullshit my way through anything)

I'm happy with the current name - taken from the sequel to Alice In Wonderland. I read the books before my Sem 1 exams - both classy takes on the literary nonsense genre. The name was in anticipation of the Tim Burton movie. Tim Burton, Jhonny Depp, Helena Carter. How could it possibly go wrong, right? Well it did. I'm keeping the name, though. I love it.

Continuing with Weasel - I know, I'm sorry - one of my most deepest posts was pure hullabaloo. I'm also sorry for the sheer crap this blog has churned out most of the time:

There's more of this nonsense - but I'm not going to spoon feed you, you hobo's. Try searching. I'll try to write more coherent posts now (starting next time?).

What? Don't look at me that way. I told you I found it difficult to resist.

September 07, 2009

"Just this year"

We, as students, are being constantly lied to. From every direction, its all just a big pack of lies. That's exactly what they said while we were in the 1oth Standard, all preparing for those gawdimportant Boards. They repeated it when were in the 12th, making it sound, then, that 12th is important, not 10th.

I especially hated this part. In the 12th we're told that 10th isn't that big a deal.. its just to get admission into a junior college, and once that is accomplished, the marks are as useful as that tail-thing we all have above our bloody arse. Then why, while in the 10th, did they make such a big deal out of it? By, 'they', you should have guessed by now, I mean parents and maybe certain teachers as well.

I got, what I think, at that time, were decently good marks. Distinction at least. (Darn you Hindi-Marathi). I Got into a thoroughly shitty college, that only now, do I understand, was terribly shitty. That's where I heard the 'Just this year' statement for the second time. To put it in their exact words

"Study for only this year, Dylan. Then you'll be able to enjoy afterwards"

What a fucking joke.

They hit me with that line in the 10th, then in the 12th, and now in my first year of engineering.
If that's taught me anything, it's never to believe them. They're only saying that to keep you from realizing the horrible truth of the cycle of life and thus keep you from committing suicide.. (or homicide, for that matter). No doubt this will go on and on.

Life is one never-ending cycle that refuses to get better.
End Of Story.